Coronavirus Pandemic: Remember Your Vows

During this time of uncertainty, because of the coronavirus, COVID-19, we do not know what will happen from one moment to the next. The only thing we can do is pray. We should be doing that anyway, but we need it now more than ever. Spouses, we should be praying together. We should also be praying for each other, our kids, family, and friends.

The main thing is during this time of uncertainty please remember your wedding vows. For a lot of us, those wedding vows stated these words: “I, take thee, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.” Hopefully, when most of us said these words, we meant them.

However, even the strongest marriage goes through some tests, at some point. Most of the tests involve some parts of that vow. We may have forgotten to love and cherish each other. A spouse or child being sick may cause stress to the household. Forgetting to love and cherish each other, as well as sickness, causes their own set complications. Nevertheless, one of the biggest problems I have seen with some of the best marriages is when the house comes under financial distress.

This coronavirus outbreak can cause many families to go under financial distress. COVID-19 is causing a lot of travel, events, schools, businesses, etc. to close down. This means people are out of work. Not everyone has the luxury of working from home. Many people go out day to day working a 9 to 5 that is barely enough to keep life going.

Let’s face it many families are one paycheck away from losing everything they have. When people are under stress from finances they tend to start taking it out on the person that they love. Fingers start to be pointed. People saying, “You could have done this or you could have done that.” When actually they are worried and don’t know how to handle the stress that comes with it.

None of us want to feel financial stress, but the reality is at some points because of certain things such as the coronavirus we may feel them. We said for “Richer or Poorer,” and we have to remember that, during this time. There is nothing we can do about the economic stress that the coronavirus is causing, but there is something we can do about our marriages. Don’t let this thing that we can’t control break-up our happy homes.

We try to do the best that we can together until we can get through the crisis. We as a couple have to pray that God keeps our homes and family covered. We have to pray that God provides us with all we need to keep going. We pray for strength for us to mentally and emotionally maintain, through this crisis. Last, but not least we pray that even if we do face a financial crisis that our marriage comes out stronger than ever.

Anxiety and Depression Won’t Stop Me! (My Diary)

So today I found myself in a bad headspace mentally. For those of you who don’t know, I suffer from anxiety and depression. I am not ashamed to talk about it anymore. I use to be, but not now.
Now, that we got that out the way. Today, we’ll let’s be honest the last few days my anxiety has been getting the best of me. I am not sure why. I am about to embark on a new adventure into unknown territory, but that’s not it. I don’t know what it is, to be honest.
I just thought I would share this tidbit because relationships are more than about the ones you have with others. It is also about the one you have with yourself. You can’t have a wonderful relationship with others until you take care of yourself.


It took me a long time to learn how to take care of myself. However, since I have learned it allows me to be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc. I have learned to love me first, and then I can love everyone else.
As far as the depression and anxiety go, I pray that one day God will completely lift them off me. Until that day happens, I will just keep looking to the hill which cometh my help and all my help come from the Lord.
I think I will add this permanently to the blog. My little personal diary insert. What do you all think?
2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

“Three’s a Crowd : Keeping the Marriage Bed Sacred”

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As a Christian, I really believe the marriage bed is very sacred and I believe it should only be shared between husband and wife. However, as a Therapist, I have heard my share of stories, about what takes place when people allow other people to enter their marriage bed, to please their spouse. I am here to tell you as a therapist every relationship that has come through my office, with this problem, has ended terribly. As a Christian, this is why the marriage bed was designed by God to remain sacred because he has seen all the complications that could arise.

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When you choose to go this route you are playing with a double edge sword. This really harms the marriage. I hear so many say that they went this route to please their spouse. However, my question then becomes~ were you not good enough for your spouse, that they felt the need to add a third party? I know everyone’s grown and entitled to their own opinion, but I would feel disrespected.  I even have those saying that it is better than them cheating on me. Well, my response to that is you are just signing consent for both of you to cheat, with the same person.  In a lot of cases when this happens the intimacy, between the spouses go straight out the window. Why risk it? You know there is a chance this could blow up in smoke. My advice is to do it God’s way and this is one problem you can cross off your list.

The Quiet Relationship Assassin “Emotional Affairs”

The Quiet Relationship Assassin “Emotional Affairs”

I was in-boxed a question today and I decided to share. The question ~”What would you consider to be an affair?”

Well first of all let me say that an affair does not have to just include sex, because sex is only the physical act of an affair.  An affair can be emotional as well. Even though some people think that as long as sex isn’t involve they are not having an affair. However, if you are taking emotions that are attended to be shared between a couple only, away from your spouse or partner and giving it to someone else then you are having an affair.  And emotional affairs can be just as hurtful and painful to your significant other as a physical affair, because trust becomes broken. The sad part once trust is broken that is hard to come back from.

Honestly, most emotional affairs lead to physical affairs.  When you think about an emotional affair, you think about secrets, whether it secret conversations, secret texting, secret emailing, secret social networking, etc. These secrets can become intoxicating, and you find yourself drawn closer and closer to that person. Then the next thing you know you find yourself sharing more about yourself to the other person than you do with your spouse or significant other. You find yourself can’t waiting to hear from that person or see that person. Your mind becomes consumed with thoughts about that other person, and then the next thing you know one thing is leading to another and you have found yourself in a position it is hard to come back from.

Am I saying you can’t be friends with someone outside your partner, no but what I am saying is be very mindful and careful with that friendship.  Not all friendships are meant to be, especially if you are in a friendship where you find yourself becoming attracted to that other person. This is when you need to cut all strings with that friend, if you want to relationship you are currently in. Just think of it this way would you want your spouse or significant other being friends with some and they have that kind of emotional attachment, even if it is not physical. No you wouldn’t, so please don’t do that to them.

If you are married then your spouse should, be your best friend anyway!!!!!!!

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Just Broke Up: Get Acquainted With Your Self Again

Being single is not a bad thing. I am not sure why some people treat it as a disease. As soon as you get out of a relationship, all of a sudden some people start to look at you with looks of pity. Looking like they are waiting for you to have a nervous breakdown at any moment. Then the next moment you find yourself feeling that same pity for yourself, on top of the hurt you are already dealing with.

However, I don’t see becoming single again as a bad thing. Yes, you are hurting because you are not with that person, but eventually, the hurt does go away. I see it as a time for you to get acquainted with yourself again because many times when you are in a relationship with the other person you lose yourself.

And yep, I said get acquainted with yourself again, because it is important to know yourself again before rushing into another relationship. It is important to take time to heal. This way when you do find that new special someone you will be bringing only yourself and not your emotional baggage from the previous relationship. Because I see so many people making that mistake bring their past into their present. All I am saying is when you’re exiting a relationship is not a death sentence it is a chance for a new beginning if you take your time and get there.

Put Downs vs. Disagreements

Now I know some of you are probably going to disagree with this blog post, but it is okay because I am going to put it out there anyway. I was passing by a couple at the store yesterday, when I went to get some of the expensive gas (just needed to vent about that, LOL). She was going off on him over the fact that he brought her the wrong flavor Doritos. Now mind you she may have been having a bad day, but you at a crowded store full of people, fussing and cussing him out. I am sure it was loud enough a person who was at least a half a mile down the street could have heard it. She was calling him everything, but the child of God, but the kicker to me was when she said “You just plan out stupid.” Now, to him I say man up. However, to her I only got one question. “Why?”

Being in a relationship we have to learn not to be putting our partner down. Even, if we a pissed off and especially when we are in front of others. Yes, I know you say that couples argue. I don’t disagree with that. Hey, me and the hubby back in the day had our share (Thank God we a lot better). But arguing and putting your partner down is two different things.

I know some people like to throw gut punches especially when they are mad, but you can’t do that in a relationship. Why? You may ask me. Well, I am going to say it like this, because words hurt, and even after the incident is over what has been said to you or what you have said to them is still there lingering in the back of the persons mind. So if you said some nasty things putting each other down, whether you want to admit it or not those words are still there.

All I am saying is that you should learn to be uplifting to your partner instead of putting them down. If you argue, learn to argue about the subject at hand and leave out all the name calling. Lifting up each other, instead of tearing each other down builds strength to the relationship. Communication can be improved in a relationship ship, if people know they can disagree, about an issue, without it leading to all the put downs and hurtful words. Many people are scared to disagree, because of the possible put downs and this cause problems within in itself. I am going to end it with this ~ you should talk to your partner like your best friend, and not be talking to them like they are your worst enemy.

Tye Tribbett Speaks Truthfully About Infidelity

I was in amazement when I read this article, about Tye and Shante Tribbett cheating on each other, which broke up his group G.A. and practically ended their 11 year marriage. However, that was not the amazing apart. The amazing part was that they sought out spiritual counseling to try to reconcile, during a time when people are doing the divorce thing, quicker than teenagers can drop a text message. I hate they went through what they went through, but I found it encouraging. With all they put each other through, they found the strength to try to work it out. This is so rare, because I see so many getting a divorce over simple things like “he won’t help me around the house” or “all she do is nag.” If you love each other you should really try to work pass the simple things in life, because those things are nowhere on the level as infidelity.

Tye Tribbett spoke at the “Marriage Beyond The Vows” workshop at the 2012 Inspiration & Music Conference. He spoke about intimate details of his marriage and what he and his wife faced during this time. Plus there is a video below of an interview that he did for Praise 103.9 Let us know Da Real Talk on what you think about it. Comment Below or hit us back on the Da Real Talk Facebook page.

Is It Boring or Not? ~ Marriage Is What You Make of It!

Is It Boring or Not? ~ Marriage Is What You Make of It!

I had someone say to me the other day that they would never get married. They said the reason why was that they would be bored, being with the same person day in and day out. Now first let me say I did not interject because I feel as if people are entitled to their own opinion. However, I will say right here and now that I didn’t agree, because guess what? I am entitled to my opinion as well. I have no problem being with the same man for the last 15 years. It has been an interesting journey, and just because you are married that doesn’t mean you still can’t enjoy a few minutes away from each other. My husband goes and hangs with his friends to play golf, race RC cars, and other hobbies they like to do. I like going shopping, getting my feet did, and actually I enjoy going to school. Those things we do apart and we have things we do together. You don’t have to be with each other every second of the day. You just have to remember to make time for each other, as well as yourself, and you won’t get bored. I think when me and my husband spend time away from each other, it makes when we come back together even more special. Marriage is what you make of it if you don’t do anything to make it interesting, of course, you’re going to get bored. However, if you love someone and want to make it exciting and fun you can as well. You just have to work at it.

The Notebook: Does Love Like That Exist Anymore?

Last night for class we had to watch clips from “The Notebook” to look at Dementia. For those of you haven’t seen it, the movie is about a couple that fell in love and remained in love through hard times, including Dementia. This man loved this woman, even when she was no longer able to recognize him or their children. So the question was posed between some of the students on the way to the parking lot ~”Does love like that exist anymore?”

The problem is no one stays in a marriage long enough to find out. People seem to be more intrigued with the wedding then the marriage itself. The first sign of discomfort, some people want to run. As always I am not talking about discomforts such a cheating and abuse. But there are those issues though like bills, kids, cultural differences, etc. that can be worked out.

Marriage equals work, there is no way around it. If you don’t plan to work at it, you should not get married. If you ask anybody that has been married 20 years and up, how they make it last they will tell you “WORK.”

Some people fail to realize that even though you are joining together as a couple, you have spent many years being individuals developing your own habits, styles, etc. When you bring both individual habits and styles together you have to be ready to work at converging the two together to find what works for the both of you. Key word again “WORK.”

So to answer the question does love like that exist anymore, I will say yes, but only to the ***couples who are willing to put in the work***

Hush Mode : It Doesn’t Mean ~ He Doesn’t Care

I just wanted to put this out there today. Women just because he isn’t talking, when he has things on his mind doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

I know a lot of times a man can seem like he is on hush mode with us. And a lot of times he is. However, this does not always mean he is out there doing dirt. Men don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves like we do. Well, let’s face it, ladies, we wear our emotions everywhere and are not afraid to let it be known how we truly feel when we want to.

If we are having a bad day, going through an issue, or whatever else, we are going to vent our frustrations to our man. However, that is not always true for them. They a lot of times like to fix it without involving us. They try to keep us from worrying. Even though we feel as if they are trying to keep us out, most of the time they feel as if they are trying to protect us from unnecessary worry. Think about it~Isisn’t his job to be our protector?

And if you don’t nag him about it, whatever the issue was or what he had been feeling at that time, he will eventually tell you. If he hasn’t done anything to betray your trust, then you should trust him enough to know he will tell you on his own time. As long as he is doing other stuff to show you that he cares and loves you, then you can relax a little. I was always told that actions speak louder than words anyway, so just think about that the next time you want to jump down his throat when he is in hush mode. #IJS