Have You Ever Pondered On This: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

Is he at it again?

Have You Ever Pondered On This: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

This has been a question that had played in my mind for a short period of time in my life, as I would think a lot of women have pondered. Trust me, you won’t be the first and you won’t be the last…… But try to make it your last time of having to ask yourself this question. I have been through the cheating boyfriend matter and after the all the apologies and the making up is done, this question will pop into your head. But ladies now, at this point, you have to be on your game. Like the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!” Don’t fall for it the next time.

I think this question applies individually in each different relationship that has had to deal with cheating. In my opinion, (and I am a religious person), I think that anyone can be changed. God has the power to change anyone. Sometimes life’s events and occasional surprises can open up one’s eyes to what’s really important in life. While being caught and maybe losing the relationship is sometimes enough to open that cheating person eyes, and sometimes, it’s not enough. I’ve seen instances where there have been illegitimate children to come from outside relationships and it has been alright with the spouse. I’ve heard the apologies, seen the tears, and listened to excuses. So actions are going to have to play the ultimate decision maker. Are his/her actions saying that this change is real or are you listening to the same excuses on why he/she can’t answer the phone or spend some quality time? You are going to have to LOOK, and pay close attention to the actions. Is everything going back to it was before he/she got caught cheating? If so, or you find yourself asking this question too many times, then I think you already have your answer. But the next part is being strong and real enough to really accept your answer (Even if it’s not the one you want to hear).

So, I guess the real questions to ask yourself is, if it happens again, will you, A) put up with It?, or B) decide to let the relationship go and move on in life. But if you answer A, expect to ask yourself the next question, “How many times are you going to put up with it?”

Sheka Cleary

Sheka Cleary holds a degree in healthcare management and is currently pursuing a degree in Social Work.  She is mother of 4, a wife; and a helping hand and an inspiration to those around her, in the community, thus the degree in Social Work. She is currently a guest blogger for http://www.darealtalk.com, and hopefully you will be hearing more from her soon.

“The Trip” ~written to me by my husband Vaughn Cleary

“The Trip” ~written to me by my husband Vaughn Cleary

I woke up this morning to find this beautiful poem written by my husband to  me and posted on facebook. It is the little things that he do that means so much  to me. I appreciate everything he does and I thank God for having him in my  life. The picture is one of the sevetal gifts I have recieved in the last few  days. I am posting this picture, because it is the one he had posted with the  poem.

“The  Trip”

When  we first started this trip.

 I was kinda reluctant to go.

 Never really had  any roots.

 I just went where the wind decided to blow.

 Then you said come  go with me. … Lets take a little ride.

 Don’t know Exactly where  we’ll go.

 But we’ll know when we arrive.

The road was really rough at  first.

Didnt think the  car would last.

 We rode for many miles  sometimes

On a empty take of  gas.

Some days we race against the  world.

 And on others we let it cruise  by.

  I no longer care about where we’re  going.

As long as we enjoy our little  ride.

  Happy Valentines Day baby

 

“Ten Years Of Marriage and We Have Never Done It”(By Makeba G @ melisasource.com/)

“Ten Years Of Marriage and We Have Never Done It”(By Makeba G @ melisasource.com/)

It’s so hard to believe that next month my husband and I will be celebrating ten years of marriage! As I reflect on our years together, we have been through many ups and downs, and have experienced the joy of doing a lot of things together…….
…….but one thing that we have never done is formally celebrate our anniversary.
I know—sounds weird, right?! Well the truth is that between his schedule, my schedule, taking care of our four children and managing our household, we have never really had time to do something formal in acknowledgement of our special day. The day comes and goes and at most, we will give each other cards and exchange gifts, but beyond that, sadly we’ve always just been too busy.
So this year, since it is our “Big 10”, we both decided that we want things to be different and actually do something special together to celebrate. We have both gone above and beyond to clear our schedules on the weekend prior to our anniversary (since it falls on a Wednesday this year). We’ve even secured arrangements for someone to watch our children for the weekend. We are very excited, and we are very ready, but there is just one problem:
We have no clue what to do or where to go!
Since this is something we’ve never done before, we truly are at a loss for ideas! The only thing that we have ruled out so far (due to the lateness of scheduling) is a cruise or travel somewhere extravagant. Here is where I need your help.
What should we do to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary? All ideas are welcomed! 🙂:) Leave Your Suggestions @ DA Real Talk Facebook Page

Makeba

Makeba G. holds a degree in communication and currently pursuing a degree in advanced technology. She is the owner and creator of http://www.melisasource.com, where you can find inspiration, motivation and empowerment. To find out more please visit her site. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

If you haven’t checked out her blog site yet, please stop by http://melisasource.com/

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“Major Dating Turnoffs” (repost from old site)

“Major Dating Turnoffs” (repost from old site)

by Miss Angel Davenport

We have all had it happen! Taking a sip thru your straw staring back this person like, “How in the world do I get out of here!!” Noticing a turnoff during a date can be very awkward and uncomfortable. Some of you may keep a mental note of it or you could be the type that politely points out what you’re not comfortable with (that’s me). During a recent poll on the blog, you were asked, “What is a major turnoff on a first date?” Most of you agree that a person (guy or girl) who may be rude to other people (ex: waiter, movie attendant, etc.) may be the biggest turnoff during a date. And this is true. Being offensive to others shows a lot about one’s character. Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles. No matter how sweet an individual may seem at the moment, take the time to observe how they treat others around you. Not only will it show in the future but it shows how one is able to collaborate with others. Meaning communication between you and that person may be very difficult if they find themselves constantly in a higher power.

MY BEST DATING TIP

***Your value system and ethics need to be constant at all times regardless of who you are dealing with. ***

Dating *Blank Stare* Gives me the shakes thinking about it. We have lost touch the meaning of dating- getting to know one another- courting. Ladies, we have to do better. We have so many complaints about our men but if we required more, we’d simply get more. We have set this stigma to our good men, repetitively saying how far and few they come. So we settle for these selfish and irresponsible people, making it up in our mind, “Well, this is as good as it gets.” Better yourselves ladies. I believe you attract whatever energy you give off. If you always find yourself in a bad relationship or dating experience; reevaluate yourself. Your standards. We all have to learn, but if you’ve had a bad involvement, this shouldn’t continuously happen. Knowing yourself can lead to better dates and better men. I’m learning to0, but being single in the dating world-I’ve seen it all!! Trust me-I have a lot more to come. We are in this journey together- Bless

Single and Hopeful,

Angel Davenport ❤

“Emotions All Under Control”(repost from old site) By Mrs. C

“Emotions All Under Control”(repost from old site) By Mrs. C

Psychologically emotions can be broken down in several categories and we may process and deal with emotions and feelings differently. Emotional expression toward the other can affect our relationships being positive and healthy or negative and unhealthy. Emotions can sometimes be hard to detect. What emotions are you feeling, whether it is regarding self or in a relationship this could be quite uncomfortable in dealing with negative emotions and reactions if others. Another question you can ask is my relationship healthy or unhealthy?

Healthy relationship usually offers emotional stability. It is also rewarding and refreshing leaving both individuals to feel whole. You see growth , feel a sense of accomplishment, freedom, and self worth.
Unhealthy relationships can sometimes lead to negative emotions, abuse, opinions, lack of respect and criticism. Look, guys you can never compromise in an uncompromising situation. Don’t argue, and lose yourself. First, analyze yourself and in analyzing yourself be honest. Take that mirror and microscope and look deep inside. Second, depending on the severity of the situation establish a realistic plan that works in handling the things that make the relationship unhealthy. Third, make sure that you have a positive support system or unit whether it spiritual counselors, professional counselors, or advisors.
“Let me break it down and just put it out there.” We all want to be in a relationship and sometimes we may hook up with the wrong individual and later within the relationship, due to the cycle experiences we learn there are certain things we did not know about the other. There may be habits the other person has that goes all over you and we just cannot see pass them. In your marriage you remember for better or for worst. In a dating game you might just say, “The Heck with This.” Regardless we all have to be respectful, trustworthy, and be good stewards in relating to others. No one is perfect and the lives we lead are not perfect. “Step over that pair of pants he left in the middle of the floor do not be so quick to complain.” Because believe me women there are things that we do he looks over. If you cannot get over the negative feeling seek positive solutions for all parties involved. On a healthy note when two people can come together and communicate, respect, and trust one another they can move mountains. It is not going to be peaches and cream all the time but, in a healthy relationship the couple works hard together to come to a solution.
In experiencing certain situation and emotions we have to be our own cheerleaders. Don’t be so quick to point the finger and speculate concerning others because when you react hastily you stand a chance of being wrong, and may possibly result in a negative and unhealthy outcome. Just relaxed don’t worry and remain calm find ways to channel your energy in a positive manner.
Sincerely,
Mrs. C.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. Psalm 32:8

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Mrs. C holds a degree in art and psychology and is currently pursuing her Masters.  She is presently working an educator, because of her passion to work with students and their families.  She believes her Christian faith and her family keeps her grounded, in pursuing her dreams. She is currently a blogger for http://www.darealtalk.com, and always has plenty to say.

“Balancing Act” written by Mrs. C

“Balancing Act”  written by Mrs. C

(repost from old blog)

Today many times we find ourselves on overkill or overload. Women we take on many tasks in providing for the needs of our husband and family, not to mention our own personal needs. Men you work, work, and work hard in providing for your family, growing tired in the process. You both need to STOP, don’t lose yourselves outside of home it is very essential to balance work, home, and personal life to prevent losing yourselves and what you are working for together. Because you are on overkill, or overload it sometimes makes it very difficult to deal with certain situations that may come about in the relationship. “STOP”? right where you are, sit down and just breathe. Pray and ask God to help you, because he is right there waiting. Conduct a family meeting to talk and establish some ground rules, allowing everyone to share. Remember to remain open for suggestions. You and your mate are one, and to make things balance and flow smoothly it will take everyone, including the children taking on tasks and instructions.

Now, as a couple set aside that time, for the two of you. If you do not see the time, make some time for the other. Dig deep and think of the good that attracted you to one another. “DATE” whether it may be in the bedroom, the movies or out for dinner alone, as long as it is away from overkill and stress. The best release is to engage in a spontaneous evening of romance and sex. Sex is the best way to de-stress your mind and body suggested by doctors and professionals, as well as it honoring your union as one.

Photobucket Mrs. C

Mrs. C holds a degree in art and psychology and is currently pursuing her Masters.  She is presently working an educator, because of her passion to work with students and their families.  She believes her Christian faith and her family keeps her grounded, in pursuing her dreams. She is currently a blogger for http://www.darealtalk.com, and always has plenty to say.

“It’s Human Nature” (feed back to “Do We Know Who We Are Alone?”)

“It’s Human Nature” (feed back to “Do We Know Who We Are Alone?”)

You asked a very good question there “Do We Know Who We Are?”   The way I see it, a lot of people identify themselves by the career choice that they picked. You can say that these people think that their career is their life and don’t really need a significant other. But deep inside they long to have someone to share their life with.  It’s human nature to just have this desire to have a mate by their side not just for physical pleasure but also for emotional and spiritual companionship. Others use their family to define themselves and others use sport. I guess it’s different for each individual but it is always almost by choice. If they want to do more to define themselves then they need to have the desire and the will power to find their true self. it’s not going to happen if you just sit around and complaining about how your life “suck” so to speak, instead get up to go after and achieve the life that you want.  Don’t always depend on others around and don’t think that your significant other will always be there because God might call them home early or they leave you because they weren’t the one for you.  I’m not saying that give up on finding your soul mate, just have patients they will show up sooner or later or even met them and didn’t realize because you are so busy looking for “the” perfect one ( no one is perfect but Jesus). Your mate is supposed to help complete you and vice versa, this is a topic for another time. Anyways there are so many different answer to this question “do we know who we are alone” and “what can we do to learn who we alone.”

“The Mediator”

The Mediator is a wife and the mother of two toddlers.. She will be soon returning to school, for a degree in nursing. She has a very strong Christian faith and believes that you put God first you can accomplish anything.