Case Study: Step-Parenting
Okay, yesterday I had a very interesting conversation with a peer and we were discussing a case study. From time to time, I will share case studies if they relevant to the blog.
Case Study: The parents of two young children have recently divorced, and the father is now about to get re-married. The father’s fiance wants the father to take custody of the kids. The fiance told the kids that she is going to take their mother’s place. Well, that was a problem within itself, but when the oldest rebelled against that notion then the fiance started treating the child bad and saying nasty stuff to her.
Now, I am going to say this and if someone gets mad when they do. First of all, you never tell a child that you are replacing one of their parents. You have no right and that is not your place. You develop your on a special relationship with that child. You can have a parenting relationship with that child without trying to replace that child’s parent. That child can also grow to love you like you were a biological parent if you take time to let it grow and nurture the relationship.
Coming into a relationship, where the person already has kids is not always easy. Especially when that child is use to their parents being together and desire to have that back. You have to sit down and talk with both of the child’s parents and come up with a plan when it is possible. I know that this is not feasible in every case, but if it is used. Communication is not about you or the other person, it is about what is best for the child, so think in that terms and not in animosity terms. A child is not a bargaining tool.
You may have to start loving that child from a distance until the child accepts you as being a part of theirs and their parent’s life. However, you do not in any shape or form talking nasty to that child, because they do not accept you right away. Remember they are child so they think and act like a child, you are an adult so think and act like an adult.
You can have a very beautiful relationship with that child, where if people did not know you they would think that the child was yours biologically, but you have to give it time and work at it. I see it all the time.
I can go so deep into this, but I am going to cut it off right there because you all know I like feedback. I am going to try to talk to my peer about guest blogging on the biological parent portion, but we will see.