Have You Ever Tried This?

I guess you all are wondering what I am talking about. Well, I am talking about taking a good look at yourself, to see where you are erroring in your relationship. Yes, it is easy for us to point out the fault in others. We tend to, however, forget that our words or actions could also be the problem, in our relationships.
Take me for instance. I used to look at all the faults in my husband but never looked at any of mine. Prime example I know I can get very flip at the mouth, at times. Often, I was doing it, at my husband. Honestly, when I truly sit and think about it, I was being truly disrespectful to him and our marriage. If he came out of his mouth at me any type of way, I would be very upset. However, I was not thinking about his feeling when I was doing it to him.

So, I ask this question again. Have you ever tried looking at yourself to see where you were erroring, in the relationship? If the answer is no, then maybe it is time to do a good self-evaluation. If the answer is yes then, how did you go about improving the error of your ways? And did it improve your relationship?
We must be considerate of the other person. If you speak harshly, change your tone. If you don’t help your spouse or significant other around the house, get up and help. If you don’t show your spouse or significant other the attention that he or she may need, do so. Whatever you are doing wrong try to fix it.
You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself. However, if you make a conscious effort to do better your spouse or significant usually take notice. This often encourages them to want to fix the error of their ways.

For me personally, as I begin to grow in Christ the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me things I needed to correct. I am not saying I do it perfectly all the time, but what I am saying is I try. I make it a practice to try to think about what and how I am saying it before I let it come out my mouth. I still get my point across. I just try to make sure I am not disrespectful to my husband or our marriage. I even notice he does it now as well.
I could have kept on doing the same thing, hoping to see different results. The chances of that happening were probably slim to none. Plus isn’t that the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? As we learn better, we just must do better.

Valentine’s Day :The Day is Gone So What now?

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The day is gone so what now? Well, I wanted to post this on Valentine’s Day but didn’t think that it would have much effect on the day everybody was receiving so much love. So I figured I would what to post this on a day that you would really think about it, to get the effectiveness that I wanted. Okay, the main question I wanted to put out there; do you give and receive the same amount of love any day of the year, as you do on Valentine’s Day or another significant calendar date. My friend and I had a discussion about it because we have seen people in relationships that the only days of the year they felt they received any love and appreciation on is on significant calendar dates. I myself know that my husband doesn’t just wait for significant calendar dates to make me feel special he does it when he gets the notion. I do the same for him as well.

I personally believe that you should treat others and be treated like that yourself more than just on certain calendar dates. You should be able to make any day a special occasion. You should always want to show love and appreciation to the one you love often and you should want to receive it often.

I mean making someone feel special or someone making you feel special usually feels more authentic when it is just done at random and not just on Valentine’s or other significant calendar dates. Don’t get me wrong to get extra love at any time is good, but it just carries more weight to me when it’s not a holiday. What do you all think is it just me or should the affirmation of love be shown on more than just a specific date?

Sending A Smile

Sending a Smile 

I feel the need to say that it is very important that we send a smile to the one that you love. They don’t have to physically see you, for you to make them smile. I know, because the other day when I was having a very bad day and my husband sent me a smile, from off the road. And yes when he is having a bad day I send him a smile as well. No, it isn’t easy when at times he is halfway across the country. However, we love each other and know that it is important that we keep each other smiling. Keeping each other smiling help to maintain the relationship.

love-smile-text


So how do you send a smile to the one you love, even if you are not near each other? I say to you send a sexy text, email, instant message or picture. There are times when a few words of encouragement, from the one you love, can make you change your whole outlook on a bad day. So if words can change your outlook on a bad day, imagine what you can do for the person you love.

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You should send the person you love a smile everyday anyway, whether their day is good or bad. Your actions of just sending them a smile, usually means more to them than the words that you wrote, because they are happy that you just took the time to send words to bring a smile on their face. So the next time you are just sitting there and they cross your mind send them a smile and it will brighten their day, whether that day was good or bad.

Don’t Let Your Past Determine Yourself Worth

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I hate to see when someone is letting a past relationship interfere with the present relationship. I was just asked for some advice on this issue. So I figured this would make a great blog topic. The issue was that this woman had been in a relationship with this married man for years. She finally decided to get out of that dead-end relationship. She has met someone else who is ready to make her his wife, someone she isn’t sharing, someone who can give her financial stability, but most of all someone who loves the Lord. The problem is now that she has someone who can make her happy, she doesn’t know how to let him love her. She was so miserable for so long that she has her guard up and refuse to let it down no matter how hard he tries to show her that he loves her. The sad part is she is about to lose out on the best thing that has ever happened to her. Honestly, I think that past relationship made her forget herself worth. It is almost as if she didn’t feel like she deserves to be love.

Ladies, it is important that you learn yourself worth it if you don’t realize it already. You deserve to be treated like a queen and you should always think highly of yourself. No matter who you have run across in your past, he should not cause you to de-value yourself. You are a woman and wonderfully made. If a man loves you he will never make you feel worthless. He will always try to build you up.

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The past man may have hurt you, but ask God to heal. I would hate for you to miss out on a good man, because of the heartache of the last relationship caused you. God loves you and his love can repair the damage that was done to you. This is a good thing to do before you even consider entering a new relationship anyway. And when you finally do meet a new man pray and ask God to reveal to you whether he is the right one. If it turns out that he is the right one, then let him love you like you deserve to be loved and leave the past in the past.brokenheart

Knowing When to Sit the Garbage Out By the Road

Knowing When to Sit the Garbage Out By the Road

If you really want to move on to something new you have to let the past go!!!!!!!!!

There was a situation that I was asked my opinion on this week.  I have actually been consulted on this situation two days in a row, now. My answer has been the same for the last two days and it will continue to be the same.  If you are telling a person you do not want to be in a relationship with them you have to set clear boundaries with them. Telling them you don’t like them, but letting them come and lay up in your house, when they feel like it, is sending them mix messages and giving them a false sense of hope. You are not doing yourself or them any good, by doing this, especially if you say have already moved on. The person that you have moved on with is not going to like or accept your ex staying in your home.  Also if the ex is not paying bills at the house and you don’t need them to survive financially, why are you letting them come up in your house anyway, unless it is not truly over between you, two. You know what I say actions speak louder than words.

All I am saying is drop your old baggage or garbage whichever one you want to call it, by the road and let the garbage collector take it away. And if you like to recycle, remember everything is not meant to be recycled. Stop trying to hold on to something that is just making your house junky. And I am telling you if ex is still there all they are doing is making your house messy and stinky, in more ways than one.

I have permission to blog about this so we could hear some other opinions, so we would like if you leave us feedback either on a comment here or on the Facebook page. Thanks for your cooperation on this matter.

 

 

www.darealtalk.com

Spy Gate Relationships

Yesterday, while I was sitting in the waiting room in the ophthalmologist, waiting for my son to come out from seeing the doctor I overheard an interesting conversation. An employee was discussing that she didn’t trust her man. She was upset that he changed his Facebook account password. She was also talking about looking through his phone and checking email. So I am thinking in my mind he has done some dirt in the past that has caused her to have trust issues, which in that case I completely understand or she has insecurities issues from low self-esteem or past relationships.

However, apart from all that, what tripped me out was she said she was going to setup some spy camera’s around their home and possibly hiring a PI. Now mind you she said her boyfriend and not husband. Maybe I can see a PI for your husband, because maybe you wanted some information to take to divorce court, seriously I don’t know. But a boyfriend, really? Hiring a PI seems a bit extreme.What we have here is the case of the Spy Gate Relationship.

My thing is when you are having that bad of trust issues with a person you are in a relationship, I think it is time to start questioning if that relationship is really worth being in. If you can’t trust that person, you are never going to be able to grow together, because you are going to question every move that person’s make. We all know that once trust is lost it takes a long time to get it back, but if you have to go through extremes to have trust. Is that person really worth it?

Think of it this way if you spend all your time worrying about what they are doing when you’re not together than you are putting yourself in a miserable position. Do you really deserve to be feeling that way and putting yourself through torcher? I don’t think so. You should always feel you deserve better than that.That just a little something to think about, because no person is worth your misery. Especially when you are so obsessed, and that is all you can think about.

Put Downs vs. Disagreements

Now I know some of you are probably going to disagree with this blog post, but it is okay because I am going to put it out there anyway. I was passing by a couple at the store yesterday, when I went to get some of the expensive gas (just needed to vent about that, LOL). She was going off on him over the fact that he brought her the wrong flavor Doritos. Now mind you she may have been having a bad day, but you at a crowded store full of people, fussing and cussing him out. I am sure it was loud enough a person who was at least a half a mile down the street could have heard it. She was calling him everything, but the child of God, but the kicker to me was when she said “You just plan out stupid.” Now, to him I say man up. However, to her I only got one question. “Why?”

Being in a relationship we have to learn not to be putting our partner down. Even, if we a pissed off and especially when we are in front of others. Yes, I know you say that couples argue. I don’t disagree with that. Hey, me and the hubby back in the day had our share (Thank God we a lot better). But arguing and putting your partner down is two different things.

I know some people like to throw gut punches especially when they are mad, but you can’t do that in a relationship. Why? You may ask me. Well, I am going to say it like this, because words hurt, and even after the incident is over what has been said to you or what you have said to them is still there lingering in the back of the persons mind. So if you said some nasty things putting each other down, whether you want to admit it or not those words are still there.

All I am saying is that you should learn to be uplifting to your partner instead of putting them down. If you argue, learn to argue about the subject at hand and leave out all the name calling. Lifting up each other, instead of tearing each other down builds strength to the relationship. Communication can be improved in a relationship ship, if people know they can disagree, about an issue, without it leading to all the put downs and hurtful words. Many people are scared to disagree, because of the possible put downs and this cause problems within in itself. I am going to end it with this ~ you should talk to your partner like your best friend, and not be talking to them like they are your worst enemy.

Have You Ever Pondered On This: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

Is he at it again?

Have You Ever Pondered On This: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

This has been a question that had played in my mind for a short period of time in my life, as I would think a lot of women have pondered. Trust me, you won’t be the first and you won’t be the last…… But try to make it your last time of having to ask yourself this question. I have been through the cheating boyfriend matter and after the all the apologies and the making up is done, this question will pop into your head. But ladies now, at this point, you have to be on your game. Like the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!” Don’t fall for it the next time.

I think this question applies individually in each different relationship that has had to deal with cheating. In my opinion, (and I am a religious person), I think that anyone can be changed. God has the power to change anyone. Sometimes life’s events and occasional surprises can open up one’s eyes to what’s really important in life. While being caught and maybe losing the relationship is sometimes enough to open that cheating person eyes, and sometimes, it’s not enough. I’ve seen instances where there have been illegitimate children to come from outside relationships and it has been alright with the spouse. I’ve heard the apologies, seen the tears, and listened to excuses. So actions are going to have to play the ultimate decision maker. Are his/her actions saying that this change is real or are you listening to the same excuses on why he/she can’t answer the phone or spend some quality time? You are going to have to LOOK, and pay close attention to the actions. Is everything going back to it was before he/she got caught cheating? If so, or you find yourself asking this question too many times, then I think you already have your answer. But the next part is being strong and real enough to really accept your answer (Even if it’s not the one you want to hear).

So, I guess the real questions to ask yourself is, if it happens again, will you, A) put up with It?, or B) decide to let the relationship go and move on in life. But if you answer A, expect to ask yourself the next question, “How many times are you going to put up with it?”

Sheka Cleary

Sheka Cleary holds a degree in healthcare management and is currently pursuing a degree in Social Work.  She is mother of 4, a wife; and a helping hand and an inspiration to those around her, in the community, thus the degree in Social Work. She is currently a guest blogger for http://www.darealtalk.com, and hopefully you will be hearing more from her soon.

The Notebook: Does Love Like That Exist Anymore?

Last night for class we had to watch clips from “The Notebook” to look at Dementia. For those of you haven’t seen it, the movie is about a couple that fell in love and remained in love through hard times, including Dementia. This man loved this woman, even when she was no longer able to recognize him or their children. So the question was posed between some of the students on the way to the parking lot ~”Does love like that exist anymore?”

The problem is no one stays in a marriage long enough to find out. People seem to be more intrigued with the wedding then the marriage itself. The first sign of discomfort, some people want to run. As always I am not talking about discomforts such a cheating and abuse. But there are those issues though like bills, kids, cultural differences, etc. that can be worked out.

Marriage equals work, there is no way around it. If you don’t plan to work at it, you should not get married. If you ask anybody that has been married 20 years and up, how they make it last they will tell you “WORK.”

Some people fail to realize that even though you are joining together as a couple, you have spent many years being individuals developing your own habits, styles, etc. When you bring both individual habits and styles together you have to be ready to work at converging the two together to find what works for the both of you. Key word again “WORK.”

So to answer the question does love like that exist anymore, I will say yes, but only to the ***couples who are willing to put in the work***

How To Have A Date Night Without Breaking The Bank

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How To Have A Date Night Without Breaking The Bank

I was having a discussion earlier today with someone and she wanted to know how to have some date nights without breaking the bank. Because let’s face not all of us are rich, and most of us got responsibilities that we have to tend to. However that is no excuse for not having dates. So I am going to share with you, the list of 5 things you can do in order to enjoy each other without breaking the bank.

1.) One idea I gave her is going sight seeing together. This works for her, because she lives in Savannah, where there is a lot of history. I know for me I have been living near Savannah for over 10 years and still have not seen everything. So if you live in a city, do some online research about the cities history and then go sight seeing.

Okay I know some of you are saying ~ MzGaPeachy not everyone lives in the city. I live in a rural area. Well number two goes for you, but the people who live in the city can do this also.

2.) Go for a drive in the country. Just riding and talking can do wonders. My husband and have done this plenty of times. We usually stop and get us a cone of ice cream and just ride and talk.

3.)Go spend time at the park. Her is another one my husband and I have done. We like to go out there and walk the track or just sit a swing on the swings and talk. You can even have a picnic there. It does not take much to pack a little picnic for the two of you.

4.) If you happen to live near a University, you can go to free or very inexpensive plays or musical. I know when I was attending Armstrong in Savannah they had something going on open to the public all the time. Basically all you have to do is check your local newspaper and it will tell you. ~Also check your local newspaper s for other free event or cheap events in your city outside the university.

5.) This is also a favorite of mine even though I haven’t did it in a while is bowling. Some bowling alley’s run specials and some even have online coupons. And even if they don’t when it is just the two of you it won’t break the bank.

Basically, it does not matter what you do for a date as long as you do it together. It is the time that you spend together that makes up the true value of the date, not the amount of money you spend.