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Sending A Smile

Sending a Smile 

I feel the need to say that it is very important that we send a smile to the one that you love. They don’t have to physically see you, for you to make them smile. I know, because the other day when I was having a very bad day and my husband sent me a smile, from off the road. And yes when he is having a bad day I send him a smile as well. No, it isn’t easy when at times he is halfway across the country. However, we love each other and know that it is important that we keep each other smiling. Keeping each other smiling help to maintain the relationship.

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So how do you send a smile to the one you love, even if you are not near each other? I say to you send a sexy text, email, instant message or picture. There are times when a few words of encouragement, from the one you love, can make you change your whole outlook on a bad day. So if words can change your outlook on a bad day, imagine what you can do for the person you love.

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You should send the person you love a smile everyday anyway, whether their day is good or bad. Your actions of just sending them a smile, usually means more to them than the words that you wrote, because they are happy that you just took the time to send words to bring a smile on their face. So the next time you are just sitting there and they cross your mind send them a smile and it will brighten their day, whether that day was good or bad.

Don’t Let Your Past Determine Yourself Worth

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I hate to see when someone is letting a past relationship interfere with the present relationship. I was just asked for some advice on this issue. So I figured this would make a great blog topic. The issue was that this woman had been in a relationship with this married man for years. She finally decided to get out of that dead-end relationship. She has met someone else who is ready to make her his wife, someone she isn’t sharing, someone who can give her financial stability, but most of all someone who loves the Lord. The problem is now that she has someone who can make her happy, she doesn’t know how to let him love her. She was so miserable for so long that she has her guard up and refuse to let it down no matter how hard he tries to show her that he loves her. The sad part is she is about to lose out on the best thing that has ever happened to her. Honestly, I think that past relationship made her forget herself worth. It is almost as if she didn’t feel like she deserves to be love.

Ladies, it is important that you learn yourself worth it if you don’t realize it already. You deserve to be treated like a queen and you should always think highly of yourself. No matter who you have run across in your past, he should not cause you to de-value yourself. You are a woman and wonderfully made. If a man loves you he will never make you feel worthless. He will always try to build you up.

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The past man may have hurt you, but ask God to heal. I would hate for you to miss out on a good man, because of the heartache of the last relationship caused you. God loves you and his love can repair the damage that was done to you. This is a good thing to do before you even consider entering a new relationship anyway. And when you finally do meet a new man pray and ask God to reveal to you whether he is the right one. If it turns out that he is the right one, then let him love you like you deserve to be loved and leave the past in the past.brokenheart

“Fire Proof” ~ Taking a Real Look at Marriage

I recently sat down and watch this movie called Fire Proof starring Kirk Cameron, with my daughter. She stated that …
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Fire proof

I recently sat down and watch this movie called Fire Proof starring Kirk Cameron, with my daughter. She stated that I needed to mention this movie on my blog. Well, I had wanted to start back blogging to help kill the time, while my hubby was on the road, so I guess her suggestion gave me the perfect opportunity to ease back in.

Well if you have not seen it Fire Proof is a very good movie to watch. It should be easily found on DVD because it came out in 2008. My daughter and I caught it on TBN, but then I found out my mom had a copy.  It is a good love story with a Christian based theme, which was one of the main things I loved, about the movie. It made me take a look at my own marriage harder. Not that we are having problems, but I just wanted to make sure that we were not taking each other for granted. The movie showed how sometimes one person could get so complacent in the marriage, that they miss the signs when the other is not happy. Men, I am not about to start man-bashing, because complacency can happen on either side, man or woman. In the movie, it just happened to be him.

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And without giving to many details my favorite part was Kirk Cameron’s character realized that he need Jesus as a part of his life, and later in the movie he had changed so much his wife decided she wanted what he had. Jesus being the center of your life can make a world of difference in your marriage.

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For those of you who haven’t seen it on a day when you got a little free time, it does so. You can even sit down and watch it with your spouse or the person you’re dating. They may enjoy it as well. I will let you in on a little secret. I got the hubby to sit down and watch it with me before he went back on the road. He even enjoyed it. So if you haven’t seen it go watch it, and if you have watched it leave some feedback on how you felt about the theme.

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The Quiet Relationship Assassin “Emotional Affairs”

The Quiet Relationship Assassin “Emotional Affairs”

I was in-boxed a question today and I decided to share. The question ~”What would you consider to be an affair?”

Well first of all let me say that an affair does not have to just include sex, because sex is only the physical act of an affair.  An affair can be emotional as well. Even though some people think that as long as sex isn’t involve they are not having an affair. However, if you are taking emotions that are attended to be shared between a couple only, away from your spouse or partner and giving it to someone else then you are having an affair.  And emotional affairs can be just as hurtful and painful to your significant other as a physical affair, because trust becomes broken. The sad part once trust is broken that is hard to come back from.

Honestly, most emotional affairs lead to physical affairs.  When you think about an emotional affair, you think about secrets, whether it secret conversations, secret texting, secret emailing, secret social networking, etc. These secrets can become intoxicating, and you find yourself drawn closer and closer to that person. Then the next thing you know you find yourself sharing more about yourself to the other person than you do with your spouse or significant other. You find yourself can’t waiting to hear from that person or see that person. Your mind becomes consumed with thoughts about that other person, and then the next thing you know one thing is leading to another and you have found yourself in a position it is hard to come back from.

Am I saying you can’t be friends with someone outside your partner, no but what I am saying is be very mindful and careful with that friendship.  Not all friendships are meant to be, especially if you are in a friendship where you find yourself becoming attracted to that other person. This is when you need to cut all strings with that friend, if you want to relationship you are currently in. Just think of it this way would you want your spouse or significant other being friends with some and they have that kind of emotional attachment, even if it is not physical. No you wouldn’t, so please don’t do that to them.

If you are married then your spouse should, be your best friend anyway!!!!!!!

www.darealtalk.com

Knowing When to Sit the Garbage Out By the Road

Knowing When to Sit the Garbage Out By the Road

If you really want to move on to something new you have to let the past go!!!!!!!!!

There was a situation that I was asked my opinion on this week.  I have actually been consulted on this situation two days in a row, now. My answer has been the same for the last two days and it will continue to be the same.  If you are telling a person you do not want to be in a relationship with them you have to set clear boundaries with them. Telling them you don’t like them, but letting them come and lay up in your house, when they feel like it, is sending them mix messages and giving them a false sense of hope. You are not doing yourself or them any good, by doing this, especially if you say have already moved on. The person that you have moved on with is not going to like or accept your ex staying in your home.  Also if the ex is not paying bills at the house and you don’t need them to survive financially, why are you letting them come up in your house anyway, unless it is not truly over between you, two. You know what I say actions speak louder than words.

All I am saying is drop your old baggage or garbage whichever one you want to call it, by the road and let the garbage collector take it away. And if you like to recycle, remember everything is not meant to be recycled. Stop trying to hold on to something that is just making your house junky. And I am telling you if ex is still there all they are doing is making your house messy and stinky, in more ways than one.

I have permission to blog about this so we could hear some other opinions, so we would like if you leave us feedback either on a comment here or on the Facebook page. Thanks for your cooperation on this matter.

 

 

www.darealtalk.com

How to Keep Your Best Friend, After You Say I do

Have you ever noticed that after a couple or so years into some people’s marriage their relationships with their best friend start to change? They may hang out all the time, but most of the time the tension that is in the air is so thick that you can cut it with a knife. The one person you could count on the most before marriage seem to have cut you off emotionally and sometimes even physically. You should never let your marriage cut you off from your best friend. You should never let your marriage turn your best friend into your worst enemy.

No, I wasn’t talking about your best girl friend or your best guy friend; I am talking about your spouse. The person who should be your best friend in the world. I hear so many times people saying that they are about to marry their best friend. This is so very true and should always stay true, but when the honeymoon period is over some people turn from best friends into worst enemies.

So how do we avoid that losing your best friend? Well you all should know me by now and if you do you should know that keeping the lines of communication open is always going to be number one on my list. So I am not just going to mention about communication, but the way in which we communicate. The information that I want to share with you that was previously shared with me. The information talks about four communication styles that are relationship killers. These are the four horsemen, which Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington, said was the biggest indicators to determine whether a marriage will fail or not. He and his colleagues have studied more than 2,000 married couples over the last 20 years and have been able to predict with 94 percent accuracy which, marriage will last and which will fail. If you don’t want to lose your best friend see if you and your mates are communication style is like that below and if it is you need to hurry up and fix it.  The information below was retrieved from http://www.marleneandbob.com/the4horsemen.pdf

1. Criticism: Attacking your partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong

  • Generalizations: “you always…” “you never…” “you’re the type of person who …” “why are you so…”

2. Contempt: Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him/her

  • Insults and name calling: “wimp, fat, stupid, ugly, slob, lazy, etc…”
  • Hostile humor, sarcasm or mockery
  • Body language & tone of voice: sneering, rolling your eyes, curling your upper lip

3. Defensiveness:Seeing self as the victim, warding off a perceived attack

  • Making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond your control forced you to act in a certain way) “It’s not my fault…”, “I didn’t…”
  • Cross-complaining: meeting your partner’s complaint, or criticism with a complaint of your own, ignoring what your partner said
  • Disagreeing and then cross-complaining “That’s not true, you’re the one who …”
  • Yes-butting: start off agreeing but end up disagreeing
  • Repeating yourself without paying attention to what the other person is saying
  • Whining “It’s not fair.”

4. Stonewalling:Withdrawing from the relationship as a way to avoid conflict. Partners may think they are trying to be “neutral” but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness

  • Stony silence
  • Monosyllabic mutterings
  • Changing the subject
  • Removing yourself physically

So what can you do if you notice yourself participating in criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and/or stonewalling?

1. Learn to make specific complaints & requests (when X happened, I felt Y, I want Z)

2. Learn to communicate consciously by speaking the unarguable truth

3. Learn to listen generously. Listen for accuracy, for the core emotions your partner is expressing and for what your partner really wants.

4. Validate your partner (let your partner know what makes sense to you about what they are saying; let them know you understand what they are feeling, and what they want; see through their eyes)

5. Shift to appreciation (5 positive interactions are necessary to compensate for one negative interaction)

6. Claim responsibility: }What can I learn from this?” & “What can I do about it?”

7. Re-write your inner script (notice when you are thinking critical, contemptuous or defensive thoughts; replace thoughts of righteous indignation or innocent victimization with thoughts of appreciation, and responsibility that are soothing & validating)

8. Practice getting undefended (allowing your partner’s utterances to be what they really are: just thoughts and puffs of air) and let go of the stories that you are making up

Spy Gate Relationships

Yesterday, while I was sitting in the waiting room in the ophthalmologist, waiting for my son to come out from seeing the doctor I overheard an interesting conversation. An employee was discussing that she didn’t trust her man. She was upset that he changed his Facebook account password. She was also talking about looking through his phone and checking email. So I am thinking in my mind he has done some dirt in the past that has caused her to have trust issues, which in that case I completely understand or she has insecurities issues from low self-esteem or past relationships.

However, apart from all that, what tripped me out was she said she was going to setup some spy camera’s around their home and possibly hiring a PI. Now mind you she said her boyfriend and not husband. Maybe I can see a PI for your husband, because maybe you wanted some information to take to divorce court, seriously I don’t know. But a boyfriend, really? Hiring a PI seems a bit extreme.What we have here is the case of the Spy Gate Relationship.

My thing is when you are having that bad of trust issues with a person you are in a relationship, I think it is time to start questioning if that relationship is really worth being in. If you can’t trust that person, you are never going to be able to grow together, because you are going to question every move that person’s make. We all know that once trust is lost it takes a long time to get it back, but if you have to go through extremes to have trust. Is that person really worth it?

Think of it this way if you spend all your time worrying about what they are doing when you’re not together than you are putting yourself in a miserable position. Do you really deserve to be feeling that way and putting yourself through torcher? I don’t think so. You should always feel you deserve better than that.That just a little something to think about, because no person is worth your misery. Especially when you are so obsessed, and that is all you can think about.

A Comical View of Marriage ~ “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” by Mark Gungor

Okay,  I was recently informed of this marriage series while standing in line  registering my twins for school next year. I was advised that this would be good  for my blog and for a couple’s seminar that I would like to have.This marriage series is called “Laugh Your  Way to a Better Marriage,” by Mark Gungor.I am going to order the whole series, but I have been watching clips on  YouTube. If you and your spouse need a good laugh this is a series this would be  good to add to your dvd/blue-ray collection. It is something that both of you  can do for a date night. It is not something that I am going to say is going to fix your  marriage, but it is something that you two can enjoy together and laugh about.  It does give you some moment though, where you look at your spouse and say could  that be possibly what’s going on with you.Anyway I am posting a clip that I found really funny off of YouTube. If  you need a good laugh for today stop by and check it out.

Just Broke Up: Get Acquainted With Your Self Again

Being single is not a bad thing. I am not sure why some people treat it as a disease. As soon as you get out of a relationship, all of a sudden some people start to look at you with looks of pity. Looking like they are waiting for you to have a nervous breakdown at any moment. Then the next moment you find yourself feeling that same pity for yourself, on top of the hurt you are already dealing with.

However, I don’t see becoming single again as a bad thing. Yes, you are hurting because you are not with that person, but eventually, the hurt does go away. I see it as a time for you to get acquainted with yourself again because many times when you are in a relationship with the other person you lose yourself.

And yep, I said get acquainted with yourself again, because it is important to know yourself again before rushing into another relationship. It is important to take time to heal. This way when you do find that new special someone you will be bringing only yourself and not your emotional baggage from the previous relationship. Because I see so many people making that mistake bring their past into their present. All I am saying is when you’re exiting a relationship is not a death sentence it is a chance for a new beginning if you take your time and get there.