The Notebook: Does Love Like That Exist Anymore?

Last night for class we had to watch clips from “The Notebook” to look at Dementia. For those of you haven’t seen it, the movie is about a couple that fell in love and remained in love through hard times, including Dementia. This man loved this woman, even when she was no longer able to recognize him or their children. So the question was posed between some of the students on the way to the parking lot ~”Does love like that exist anymore?”

The problem is no one stays in a marriage long enough to find out. People seem to be more intrigued with the wedding then the marriage itself. The first sign of discomfort, some people want to run. As always I am not talking about discomforts such a cheating and abuse. But there are those issues though like bills, kids, cultural differences, etc. that can be worked out.

Marriage equals work, there is no way around it. If you don’t plan to work at it, you should not get married. If you ask anybody that has been married 20 years and up, how they make it last they will tell you “WORK.”

Some people fail to realize that even though you are joining together as a couple, you have spent many years being individuals developing your own habits, styles, etc. When you bring both individual habits and styles together you have to be ready to work at converging the two together to find what works for the both of you. Key word again “WORK.”

So to answer the question does love like that exist anymore, I will say yes, but only to the ***couples who are willing to put in the work***

Marriage: According to Pastor TD Jakes and His Wife!!!

Marriage: According to Pastor TD Jakes and His Wife!!!

I wanted to share this video I thought that some real interesting points were brought up in this video. I am only sharing one portion, but is you go all way in to youtube you can watch them all. Because as he said in the video and I often times say marriage is not easy, it is hard work. He also made the point that falling in love is a very natural process, but it is one of the most difficult things to deal. The truth of the matter when the honeymoon period wears off, and reality hits you have to learn how to maintain. So my suggestion is take a look at this video and the rest of the series, and get some insight from a real and biblical stand point.

How To Have A Date Night Without Breaking The Bank

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How To Have A Date Night Without Breaking The Bank

I was having a discussion earlier today with someone and she wanted to know how to have some date nights without breaking the bank. Because let’s face not all of us are rich, and most of us got responsibilities that we have to tend to. However that is no excuse for not having dates. So I am going to share with you, the list of 5 things you can do in order to enjoy each other without breaking the bank.

1.) One idea I gave her is going sight seeing together. This works for her, because she lives in Savannah, where there is a lot of history. I know for me I have been living near Savannah for over 10 years and still have not seen everything. So if you live in a city, do some online research about the cities history and then go sight seeing.

Okay I know some of you are saying ~ MzGaPeachy not everyone lives in the city. I live in a rural area. Well number two goes for you, but the people who live in the city can do this also.

2.) Go for a drive in the country. Just riding and talking can do wonders. My husband and have done this plenty of times. We usually stop and get us a cone of ice cream and just ride and talk.

3.)Go spend time at the park. Her is another one my husband and I have done. We like to go out there and walk the track or just sit a swing on the swings and talk. You can even have a picnic there. It does not take much to pack a little picnic for the two of you.

4.) If you happen to live near a University, you can go to free or very inexpensive plays or musical. I know when I was attending Armstrong in Savannah they had something going on open to the public all the time. Basically all you have to do is check your local newspaper and it will tell you. ~Also check your local newspaper s for other free event or cheap events in your city outside the university.

5.) This is also a favorite of mine even though I haven’t did it in a while is bowling. Some bowling alley’s run specials and some even have online coupons. And even if they don’t when it is just the two of you it won’t break the bank.

Basically, it does not matter what you do for a date as long as you do it together. It is the time that you spend together that makes up the true value of the date, not the amount of money you spend.

Kristy’s Story :The Knock That Sadly Gave Her Strength to Leave.

Kristy’s Story :The Knock That Sadly Gave Her Strength to Leave.

While this is a little strange for me sharing someone else story like this, but she asked me to share it. I tried to get her to guest blog for me anomalously, but she insisted that I do it. I am not using any real names either, because sometimes people like to be so judgemental and throw stones. She just wanted to share in hopes of keeping someone else for making her mistakes. Guys, please don’t think we are man bashing here, because we all know that women are just as capable of infidelity as a man. This is just her story and if you want to share yours from a male’s perspective please get in contact with me and we can make that happen. Now I am going to call them Kristy and Jim.

Kristy up until a year ago had been with Jim for 8 years (dating and marriage). After only six month’s of dating Jim showed signs that he had been cheating on her with other women. Kristy told me how she would get these strange looks from other females. Jim would never lay is phone down out of his sight. A lot of times she would go for days without hearing from him.

Well around the 8th month, on Saturday afternoon it all came to a head and what she suspected as true slapped her in the face. One of the other women confronted her in the parking lot of her job. Told her that Jim and been seeing her for a couple of months and that Kristy needed to move on, because Jim was hers. Both exchanged very heated words before the police was called in to break up the confrontation.

Kristy later that night had words with Jim. Who she say swore up in down, it was nothing like the girl had told her. She say she sent him packing that night and told him she didn’t want to have anything else to do with him. However as in a lot of case the story did not end there.

Jim spent the next couple of month pursuing Kristy again. He would show up at her house and job unannounced, with gifts and flowers. She even stated that he brought lunch for her and some of her co-workers several time. The co-workers and some of her friends started saying that he must be very sorry and had learned his lesson and eventually she started to believe him. She finally let Jim back in her life and after about another six months he proposed to her. Well I would like to end it here and say they lived happily ever after, but sadly enough to say it didn’t.

Now they got married about a year and a half after the proposal. For the first few years she said everything seemed wonderful and she and Jim even had a child. About the fourth year signs started to show again that Jim might be cheating. And the truth is he was. She confronted him and other women. Now mind you they stay in a very large city. So this time Jim was a little smarter and wasn’t messing with women around the way their way.

She say he would straighten up for a little while then a couple of months later he would be back up to his old tricks. Several people told her she should leave. She said she kept telling them she wanted to save her marriage and have her husband there to help raise the child.  She continue to stay with him for more years putting up with his mess. She said she thought she loved him more then anything, but now she looks back she says she realized she just didn’t love herself enough. She explained that she was very naive and stupid at the time. Please don’t think I am calling her stupid, but I am trying to put it to you basically how it was told to me.

I can say this though that we have all known someone who was so in love in a relationship that they couldn’t see the forest from the trees. Whether or not it was our self or a friend or family member, but we all can tell a similar story.

Now back to them, this came to an end though about a year ago, when she was finally strong enough to throw him out. However, she stated she gained strength only because another issue occurred outside of the infidelity, but at the same time it was because of the infidelity.

One Friday evening, after Kristy and her child had just got in the door from going to the grocery store. She say a knock came at the door and it was a little boy about the same age as her and Jim’s child. He asked to speak to his daddy. She stated she asked him who his daddy was and he said Jim. She say she wanted to pass out, but she tried to keep her composure, because the little boy and her child was both staring at her. She said she got up enough strength to tell the boy he wasn’t home yet. The boy left and turned and went to the end of the yard and got in the car with a woman, Kristy assumed at that time was the child’s mother. Later to find out it was.

She say she went crazy started going through the house looking for receipts that he had been supporting another child, besides theirs. She got his stuff threw it out on the front lawn. Called him at work and told him she knew, and that if wanted any of his stuff before the neighbors went through it he better get home. She say she called her sister to come get her child, because she didn’t not want her child to see the seen she was about to make, when Jim walked through the door. She said she had so many years of pinned up frustration and anger that as soon as he walked through the door trying to apologize and explain himself, everything that wasn’t tied down went towards his head.

Well this is where that ended. She said she know that some of you all are saying she was crazy to put up with him for that long anyway. But she also said that it is easy to say stuff when you are from the outside looking in. She said when your in it a lot of times you just totally try to deny truth. Her main thing she wanted people to know is that he can say he is going to change, but words mean nothing, so don’t put yourself out there for no one. Love yourself more!!

I just wanted to thank Kristy for sharing her story, because even though I didn’t share her name. It took a lot of guts for her to reveal this to me and tell me who she was, when she could have just sent a an anonymous email. This is real life and Real Talk.

Hush Mode : It Doesn’t Mean ~ He Doesn’t Care

I just wanted to put this out there today. Women just because he isn’t talking, when he has things on his mind doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

I know a lot of times a man can seem like he is on hush mode with us. And a lot of times he is. However, this does not always mean he is out there doing dirt. Men don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves like we do. Well, let’s face it, ladies, we wear our emotions everywhere and are not afraid to let it be known how we truly feel when we want to.

If we are having a bad day, going through an issue, or whatever else, we are going to vent our frustrations to our man. However, that is not always true for them. They a lot of times like to fix it without involving us. They try to keep us from worrying. Even though we feel as if they are trying to keep us out, most of the time they feel as if they are trying to protect us from unnecessary worry. Think about it~Isisn’t his job to be our protector?

And if you don’t nag him about it, whatever the issue was or what he had been feeling at that time, he will eventually tell you. If he hasn’t done anything to betray your trust, then you should trust him enough to know he will tell you on his own time. As long as he is doing other stuff to show you that he cares and loves you, then you can relax a little. I was always told that actions speak louder than words anyway, so just think about that the next time you want to jump down his throat when he is in hush mode. #IJS

How Long Would You Wait for the Ring?

How Long Would You Wait for the Ring?

I know those of you who watch Love and Hip Hop seen Chrissy finally get the ring. So I guess my next question is this ~ How long would you wait for the ring? I thought this would be an interesting question. Would you be like Chrissy and give your man an ultimatum or would you just hope and pray that it happens to you, one day before you die? I think there should come a point in the relationship that both of you need to decide, if you want to be married or not. Hey and if the relationship is turning serious, both of you need to put it on the table and let the other person know whether or not you are looking for the relationship to head towards marriage. At least that would give each person a fair chance to walk away from the situation, before ultimatums have to be given or hopes and prays for marriage has to be made. And if both of you do want to get married then what is a reasonable time limit? I really think these are things that really need to be discussed, once that relationship turns from casual dating, into something serious. I mean either you do or you don’t it is just that simple, but both parties need to be honest about what he or she is feeling. So head to the Facebook page and let me know ~How long would you wait for the ring?

 

Are You Taking Any Moment with Your Spouse for Granted?

Are You Taking Any Moment with Your Spouse for Granted?

 

A lot of times we take for granted that each day that we have with our spouse is such a blessing. Over the holiday’s several people I know lost their spouse or significant other. It saddens my heart for them, but made me look at my husband in a greater appreciation that he is still here, with me. It also makes any pet peeve we may have about what each other do seems insignificant and little arguments seem ridiculous. Being in a relationship one must learn to let the little things go that don’t really matter and live each moment with our spouse as if it was your last. You pray and hope that it never comes, but truth is one day it will. Appreciating each other leaves no room for regrets, but only room for wonderful memories. Loving each other should be top priority every day.  It is important that each person is giving love and know they are receiving love. It would be nothing worse than being the surviving spouse feeling regret, because you didn’t let your spouse know exactly how much you loved and appreciate them. All I am saying just take time every day to how them you care, and live each moment with them like it is your last, because the next day is not promised to you. #IJS