What You See Is What You Get!!!!! (repost from old site)

What You See Is What  You Get!!!!!

(repost from old  site)

I am dropping this post for those of  you who are about to get married, and those of you who have recently gotten  married (trying to figure out what is going on). This tidbit of information  should not apply to those of you who have been married for a while. I would hope  that at this point, in your marriage, that you have learned at least this much,  by now. However, if you have been married for a while and still have not learned  this please pay close attention, along with the engaged couples and the  newlyweds.

Many times people, some ladies and men  alike, have this notion that when they get married they are going to be able to  change a person. Now I know those of you that have already realized this  concept, are thinking to yourselves, isn’t that just common sense. Well, more  often than not people fail to realize this fact. They have it in their mind that  once they get married that they can make that person into the person you want  them to be. I am here to tell you that if you do not let that mindset go you  will be in a world of disappointment.

I cannot emphasize this point enough,  what you see is what you get. What they have displayed about themselves, before  marriage are who they really are. Trust  me when I say just like you have no intention of changing your ways, they have  no intention to changing theirs.

But wait; there is hope for them to  change. However, it won’t be because you changed them, it will be because they  wanted too, and God did it. But now that you know they can change asked yourself  do you really want to take that chance waiting on them to change. I said there  was hope, but I didn’t say it was a guarantee, so you have to make that a  personal decision, whether or not you want to chance it or  run.

All I am saying is think about it  wisely and don’t go into marriage with false hopes and expectations, about  trying to change someone. Just something to think about.

What is Your Spouse Saying About You?

What is Your Spouse Saying About You?

Well this weekend my husband and I attended a Pirate Birthday Party/ Wedding. It was sweet, because it was the groom’s birthday, but he decided to go ahead and marry his fiance, while they had both of thier famlies in town. So they suprised thier families. I enjoyed it.

However, what I enjoyed the most about the party was as I was sitting at the table when one of my husband’s associate came and had a word with me. He said he was glad to finally meet me. He had heard so many wonderful things about me. He said that my husband spoke very highly of me and wouldn’t trade me for the world.

Now, that said a lot to me. It first let me know he is thinking about me even when we aren’t together. It also let’s me know that he is very proud to have me as his wife. But most of all it let’s me know that he still love me and is still very crazy about me after all these years.

So , that brings me to this. What is your spouse/mate are saying about you when your not around? Hopefully, you are doing your part in the relationship so, that he or she is saying wonderful things about you. How you treat your spouse/mate can make or break your relationship. Let me hit you with this well known fact ~ If you are not doing your part at home people know, because your spouse/mate has mentioned it. Well while he or she was mentioning it, another woman or man was taking notes, trying to plan thier move to sneak into your spouse/ or mates ear to whisper they will do for them what your not doing. I’m Just Saying!!! So just make sure your doing your part to make sure your spouse.mate continues to have wonderful things to say about you.

 

“Major Dating Turnoffs” (repost from old site)

“Major Dating Turnoffs” (repost from old site)

by Miss Angel Davenport

We have all had it happen! Taking a sip thru your straw staring back this person like, “How in the world do I get out of here!!” Noticing a turnoff during a date can be very awkward and uncomfortable. Some of you may keep a mental note of it or you could be the type that politely points out what you’re not comfortable with (that’s me). During a recent poll on the blog, you were asked, “What is a major turnoff on a first date?” Most of you agree that a person (guy or girl) who may be rude to other people (ex: waiter, movie attendant, etc.) may be the biggest turnoff during a date. And this is true. Being offensive to others shows a lot about one’s character. Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles. No matter how sweet an individual may seem at the moment, take the time to observe how they treat others around you. Not only will it show in the future but it shows how one is able to collaborate with others. Meaning communication between you and that person may be very difficult if they find themselves constantly in a higher power.

MY BEST DATING TIP

***Your value system and ethics need to be constant at all times regardless of who you are dealing with. ***

Dating *Blank Stare* Gives me the shakes thinking about it. We have lost touch the meaning of dating- getting to know one another- courting. Ladies, we have to do better. We have so many complaints about our men but if we required more, we’d simply get more. We have set this stigma to our good men, repetitively saying how far and few they come. So we settle for these selfish and irresponsible people, making it up in our mind, “Well, this is as good as it gets.” Better yourselves ladies. I believe you attract whatever energy you give off. If you always find yourself in a bad relationship or dating experience; reevaluate yourself. Your standards. We all have to learn, but if you’ve had a bad involvement, this shouldn’t continuously happen. Knowing yourself can lead to better dates and better men. I’m learning to0, but being single in the dating world-I’ve seen it all!! Trust me-I have a lot more to come. We are in this journey together- Bless

Single and Hopeful,

Angel Davenport ❤

“The Love Of My Life”

“The Love Of My Life”

(Happy Anniversay)

 

My Love ~Vaughn Cleary

I often times say that there is no such thing as fairy tale and in actuality there isn’t, well at least not what you see on television. However, I do believe that you can have your “Prince Charming.” You have to not try to change your man, and both of you learn to grow together. It is not an instant overnight process. It is a growing pains and trial & error type situation. If you can both stick it out, and make the most out of all the good times, your relationship will come to close to fairy tale as possible.

Today I celebrate 14 years of being married to the love of my life. Everyday hasn’t been Sunny, but the good has always outweighed the bad. Our love has grown stronger over these years, by realizing neither one of us is perfect and learning to grow together, instead of apart. He is my biggest fan and strongest supporter, as well as I am his. I take everything that we have been through not as a negative, but as a life lesson. I thank God so much for him. He may not be perfect to everyone else, but he is perfect to me because I know God made him especially for me!!!! I love you Vaughn Cleary more then you will ever know. Happy Anniversary!!!

 

“Take It Outside the Bedroom”

“Take It Outside the Bedroom” (Repost from old site)

My thought for today is to take it outside the bedroom. A lot of times, especially after marriage we noticed that our sex life becomes like a game of chess. We seem to reach a stalemate. It usually has nothing to do with the lack of love in the relationship, in most cases (there are some though). The problem is most couples become consumed by everyday life such as work, kids, bills, etc. Many times they don’t mean to intentionally let the flames of passion burnout, most just become exhausted from everything else. So how can you rekindle the flames you ask? My answer to you is to take it outside the bedroom.
It is important for you as a couple to take the passion outside of your normal environment. This helps not only get you away from your life stressors, but it helps get you out of routine. Routine can lead to boredom for both parties, and that is not healthy, for the relationship overall.
A quick suggestion is to get a room. You don’t have to go out of town to get a room, just go get one. Being outside your bedroom and home can make a world of difference in the sex life. Plus if you can think of other creative ways or places to heat it up, that don’t include your bedroom, utilize it. The goal is just to keep the passion burning.
So if you are one of those people who seem to have reached a stalemate, don’t just throw in the game. Strategize trick plays of the board to heat it back up. That way, in the end, you and your mate both can yell “CHECKMATE.”

Should You Date Your Best Guy Friend?

Should You Date Your Best Guy Friend?

Okay, I have recently talked to someone who explained to me that she has recently feel in love with her best guy friend. They have been friends for over 18 years. Nothing more and nothing less. However she explained that she has started to look at him differently, lately. She is now in her mid 30’s and really is thinking about marriage and having kids, etc. He in her eyes is everything that should could possibly want in a potential husband. He seems to be feeling her as well. Neither one is in a relationship at the moment or been in a serious relationship for a while. Neither has any kids and both are career oriented. I guess you are now asking: What is the problem? Well the problem is she has been friends with him so long, she can’t imagine him not being in her life.  She scared that if it doesn’t work out then, they would be no more.

I understand her fear, but I think she maybe should consider giving it a shot, before he falls for someone else. He has already made the comment “that if he was to chose a wife she would be perfect for him.” That within itself let me know that he is feeling her too. Not to mention that he does things for her that you would only expect a boyfriend or a husand to do.

Ladies, I know sometimes it can be scary to cross that line from friendship to something more, but think of it this way. When you get married you want your husband to be your best friend. If he was your friend for years, that means you have probably already let your gaurd down more in front of him, then you have ever did with any boyfriend. When you are with your friends you are spending less time trying to impress and more time being yourself. And that goes the same vice versa, meaning you all know each other already. If you already are friends, then something evidently attracted you to each other in the first place. Plus, I think their age plays a major part, in it being okay to date your friend. I think well at least by knowing her that she is mentally mature enough to handle it, but I think he is too.

So ladies what do you think, because she ask me to post about it on the blog, so she can get other people’s feedback. Do you think she should cross the line or remain friends? Leave your comments on the Da Real Talk Facebook page. She will be reading what you have to say. I can’t wait to see what you say as well.

“Emotions All Under Control”(repost from old site) By Mrs. C

“Emotions All Under Control”(repost from old site) By Mrs. C

Psychologically emotions can be broken down in several categories and we may process and deal with emotions and feelings differently. Emotional expression toward the other can affect our relationships being positive and healthy or negative and unhealthy. Emotions can sometimes be hard to detect. What emotions are you feeling, whether it is regarding self or in a relationship this could be quite uncomfortable in dealing with negative emotions and reactions if others. Another question you can ask is my relationship healthy or unhealthy?

Healthy relationship usually offers emotional stability. It is also rewarding and refreshing leaving both individuals to feel whole. You see growth , feel a sense of accomplishment, freedom, and self worth.
Unhealthy relationships can sometimes lead to negative emotions, abuse, opinions, lack of respect and criticism. Look, guys you can never compromise in an uncompromising situation. Don’t argue, and lose yourself. First, analyze yourself and in analyzing yourself be honest. Take that mirror and microscope and look deep inside. Second, depending on the severity of the situation establish a realistic plan that works in handling the things that make the relationship unhealthy. Third, make sure that you have a positive support system or unit whether it spiritual counselors, professional counselors, or advisors.
“Let me break it down and just put it out there.” We all want to be in a relationship and sometimes we may hook up with the wrong individual and later within the relationship, due to the cycle experiences we learn there are certain things we did not know about the other. There may be habits the other person has that goes all over you and we just cannot see pass them. In your marriage you remember for better or for worst. In a dating game you might just say, “The Heck with This.” Regardless we all have to be respectful, trustworthy, and be good stewards in relating to others. No one is perfect and the lives we lead are not perfect. “Step over that pair of pants he left in the middle of the floor do not be so quick to complain.” Because believe me women there are things that we do he looks over. If you cannot get over the negative feeling seek positive solutions for all parties involved. On a healthy note when two people can come together and communicate, respect, and trust one another they can move mountains. It is not going to be peaches and cream all the time but, in a healthy relationship the couple works hard together to come to a solution.
In experiencing certain situation and emotions we have to be our own cheerleaders. Don’t be so quick to point the finger and speculate concerning others because when you react hastily you stand a chance of being wrong, and may possibly result in a negative and unhealthy outcome. Just relaxed don’t worry and remain calm find ways to channel your energy in a positive manner.
Sincerely,
Mrs. C.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. Psalm 32:8

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Mrs. C holds a degree in art and psychology and is currently pursuing her Masters.  She is presently working an educator, because of her passion to work with students and their families.  She believes her Christian faith and her family keeps her grounded, in pursuing her dreams. She is currently a blogger for http://www.darealtalk.com, and always has plenty to say.

In a Relationship Alone, Why Settle? (Inspired By LOVE & Hip Hop)

                                                                                                                                                                                                He didn’t even look happy!

In a Relationship Alone, Why Settle? (Inspired By LOVE & Hip Hop)

Okay, well if you are a fan of Love & Hip Hop them you know season 2 is about to premiere. During season 1, I was really disturbed, because it hurt me to see Emily stick around, with Fab. He obviously didn’t care or love her. When you don’t want to be seen out in public with a person then there is a problem. Saying you didn’t want to be in front of the cameras for a reality show was one thing, but when it seems a as if you don’t want to acknowledge me as being your special someone then we have a serious problem. Or in Emily’s case Fab can’t take a few minutes to do a family photo shoot, what’s up with that?

So I guess the question that I am asking is why do some women settle for being in a relationship that the man doesn’t want to acknowledge them? I mean this doesn’t only occur in the celebrity world, but also in normal everyday life. You should never want to be in love or in a relationship by myself. That is not psychologically healthy. Yourself esteem should not be that low. If it is then you, need some counseling. Your relationship should be way more, then you sleeping together when he feels he has time for you. Seriously that is not a relationship that is more like an “in house booty call.” Let’s be real here and call it what is.  If you in a relationship by yourself, then it is time to move on and get into a relationship, with someone who wants to be with you. #IJS

Well, as far as Emily and Fab goes the media is saying they are no longer together. Some are saying she broke up with him, and some are saying vice versa. Hey, it’s the celebrity world so the truth will never be known. However, I hope she goes on to find a relationship where she isn’t in it alone. Best of luck with that Em!!

FYI- when I was trying to located pictures for the blog of him and her together and there were not many, so what does that tell you.

“Marriage ~ It’s No longer About the Love (example: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries ) “

“Marriage ~ It’s No longer About the Love (example: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries )

Well now, we can’t say that we didn’t see this one coming from miles around. We all had figured it out that it was all about the money. From the picture up top, you all know I am talking about the Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries marriage. I mean really, I thought they would go for a least 6 months, but 72 days. Now that’s ridiculous.

We all know that the pictures and videos made them both a lot of money and they got their day in front of all the news media again, but really what about the main issue here. Why do people play with marriage? Marriage should something that should be entered in with thought behind it. Even if it didn’t work out in the long run, you can still say that you put thought behind the decision, before making it. Some people put no thought, behind what I consider to be one of the biggest decisions that you will make in your life.

Have we become such a shallow society, that marriage is no longer about love but about money and convenience? Where is the love? We seem to be reverted back to the days where people had arranged marriages. When they had those arrange marriages, they weren’t about love they were about the dowry (money, land, etc. that brides family got for her). However, in those days they at least tried to stick it out regardless. But today they don’t stick it out; they treat marriage like a drive thru at a fast food restaurant, get married at one window and divorced at the next.

Well maybe it is just me being old fashion, but I don’t think you should enter a marriage unless you love that person and have given some thought about spending the rest of your life with the person. Whether it work out or not at least you have the peace of mind in knowing that you went in the marriage for the right reasons.